Oxygen

This is a journal entry I wrote back when I was pregnant with Buster. I had just gotten over being sick, and had some bad days. I just re-read it and think it still definitely applies to me, and it was a good reminder to myself of how to have a good attitude on motherhood and how to make life less stressful on ourselves.

Last night as I was laying in bed talking with Jaron, I had an epiphany that I thought I would share, mostly so I don't forget it. I was trying to evaluate why some days the kids behave so good and others behave so bad.  After a lot of thinking and discussion, I came to the conclusion that the answer lies in my own attitude.  It sounds so simple I know, but allow me to explain. On days when I have the right perspective in mind, I feel a sense of beauty in my roll as a mom. I feel excited to have a day with my kids. Its another day to teach them good things, to provide happy memories, and to laugh together. To make cookies, build forts, play princesses, have tea parties. To read books, memorize scriptures, learn primary songs, do chores, practice violin, color, learn to cut, learn to dress, learn, learn, learn. There is so much I want to teach and give my kids, so many memories I still want to create. On these days I feel excited and grateful to be a mom. I feel grateful that my kids are still at home with me. I view time as a precious entity. On these days my kids are happy to be my kids. On these days my kids feel loved, because I have spent quality time with each of them. On these days my kids go to bed with out a fuss, because they have gotten what they need and they are happy.   

On the other hand, the bad days usually happen as a result of the bad attitude I wake up with. I wake up feeling behind and anxious.  I have an unrealistic goal to accomplish too many things in one day.  I have my own agenda, but none of it involves time with the kids. I have no clear goals or activities planned for them.  They are in the way, and I need simply to just find things that will distract them from interrupting me. Instead of a mom, I feel like a babysitter, counting down the hours until my other half can relieve me of my motherly duties. I'm grouchy and mean. The kids get bored and want attention, and as a result act in a negative way to get the attention. On these days, I ironically get way less done then I should have. It is on these days that I don't feel like cooking anything for dinner.  It is on these days that I go to bed feeling discouraged and regretful, but also, determined to make the next day better.

As a mom, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a neighbor, a friend, a visiting teacher, and a member of the church, there are always going to be things that have to get done. I can't simply neglect the house, or my callings, or other relationships to focus only on my children.  I don't think that is how life is meant to be.  Family comes first, yes, but there are other things that also need to be taken care of in the line up.   Children need to be loved. They need to have quality time with their parents, but they also need to learn to give, and to work, and to sacrifice.

Life is one big balancing act. It just is. And part of our test on earth is to figure out how to beautifully balance life.  I don't have it figured out, but I can tell you that I really think for me, my attitude of motherhood makes all the difference in how my day goes. And there are certain things that I have found ensure the "good attitude switch" to be turned on.

I read a book once on parenting, that gave the analogy of putting on yor own oxygen mask first when the airplane is going down.  It seems so wrong at first thought, to think of securing our own oxygen mask before securing our child's, but the point of the analogy is that if you don't have any oxygen, how are you going to save your children?  I think this concept is naturally counter-intuitive for most of us mothers, because we want to give to our children before we give to ourselves.  And often times we get to the end of the day, or perhaps the beginning of the day, and we realize we never even put our own oxygen mask on.  I think we have to fight the natural selflessness that is in us, and be a little selfish, so that we can be even MORE selfless to others around us.

For me, I have learned that there are certain things that give me my oxygen, so that I can be a good mom to my kids, and have a healthy attitude of my roll as their mom. These things are what really make the difference in my good and bad days, and it has nothing to do with the attitude of my kids.

FIRST : The most important thing for me is to have meaningful prayer and scripture study. The earlier on in the day that I do this the better it is. I can't always do it in the morning, because sometimes (especially when I'm prego) my kids wake me up.  So I do it during nap/quiet time. But I always try to pray first thing in the morning, even if the kids are awake. I take a minute to myself to pray and ask for guidance and help through my day. This is key for me.

SECOND:  Exercise. Another obvious one. For me, if I have exercised, I'm just a happier person, and I have energy to do the things I want to do.

THIRD: Eat healthy. On days that I eat unhealthy, I feel discouraged, and have less energy.  It is worth having a little self control to feel good for the whole day. The better I eat, the better I feel, and the better of a mother and wife I am.

I love realizing that the key to happier days is something that I can control. Its all in my own attitude. Its all in putting my own oxygen tank on first so that I can have that good attitude and help my kids get the oxygen they need.  My oxygen is studying the scriptures, having meaningful prayer, exercising, and eating healthy.  Its so empowering to realize that how my day goes is up to me, and no one else.

What's your oxygen?