A Brave Moment For a Scared Little Boy

The other day Jaron and I were sitting downstairs after a long, full day of family life and work and child rearing, just you know, relaxing and chatting and processing our day together, when I heard a gentle whimper from the top of the stairs. I couldn't quite recognize the voice, because it was so soft, but it was definitely calling my name softly and in a sad tone of voice. For some reason I knew immediately this was not a usual act of procrastinate bed time trickery. No, this was something I needed to check on. As I stood up to go see who the damsel in distress was, I heard Warner's voice say "Mom I'm really scared and I just don't want to sleep in my room. It's just so dark in there" and then, he began to cry.

Now, I will be honest. This is not the first time a child has gotten out of bed in claims their room was too dark, but this is the first time that I actually felt like I should take it seriously. Usually a simple hall or bathroom light turned on is enough of a compromise to shew them swiftly back to bed, but this time I feared there was some reality behind his angst.

So, I walked to the top of the stairs where I found Warner, blanket wrapped up and over his head crying, and scooped him in my arms and carried him down stairs. He's getting big now, but for a seven year old he's still a light weight, so thankfully I can still sometimes pretend like he's my baby again and cuddle him up.  I brought him down to where Jaron was sitting and held him in my lap with his blanket still wrapped securely up and around his face and back.  He was crying and rubbing his eyes and kept saying it was just so dark and he was scared. When I first asked him what he was afraid of he replied, "I don't know, I'm just afraid of the darkness in my room".  I told him that behind the darkness was the same things that were there when it was light. I reassured him he was so safe, and there was nothing bad lurking in those dark spaces of his room. 

He was not comforted. I then recalled a quick conversation that I had overheard Warner having about a scary story a friend had told him at school. Light bulb. Yay. So I said "Hey Warner, does this have anything to do with the story your friend was telling you at school?"I could hardly see his face because it was so hidden behind the blanket hood he was hiding in, but I saw him nod. 

He was rubbing tears out of his eyes.

Me- Warner, can you tell me what he told you?

Warner- No I don't want to think about it anymore, and talking about it will make it worse.

Me- Actually sometimes not talking about it makes it worse. In the darkness of your mind all alone it can grow and get scarier the more you hide and dwell on it. Talking to Dad and I about it can bring it out to the light, and we can speak truth about it and help you work through it. 

Jaron said a few words too, and after a few minutes of gentle coaxing Warner started talking. 

W- My friend Dillan told me a really scary at school. 

I won't tell you the details of the story because there is no need to, but basically the story was about a witch named Bloody Mary and of the things she did to the people in her village. 

At the end of his story his friend assured him that Bloody Mary was alive and looking for people to kill still today.  Note: all of this is pretty normal 7 year old boy behavior I would say. Looking for a reaction from some other gullible soul is their middle name.  

A few hours after Dillan had divulged this shocking tale to Warner they were playing at recess when Warner noticed a sucpicious light flashing from an empty car in the parking lot. I'm not sure if Dillan pointed it out, or whether it was from his own imagination, but somehow Warner had convinced himself that it was Bloody Mary in that car, waiting for him.  

Warner- "I was trying so hard not to cry Mom. So I went and told a recess teacher and she told me it wasn't true, and that the story wasn't true"

Me and Jaron both in different ways then basically said- Warner that is so so scary! I'm so sorry that you have been so afraid all day. I don't blame you for being afraid of the dark, I would be too if I heard a story like that and thought it was true. I'm so sorry Warner. Do you feel like the recess teacher was right, that the story isn't true? 

Warner- No I think the story is true. I know it is Mom. 

Jaron then led Warner through a serious of questions and answers about Bloody Mary with the goal of helping him lead to the logical conclusion of how fake this story was.  He also explained how common it is for kids to tell tales like this, and said they are all false!  

I could tell Warner was still unconvinced. No matter what we would say, this witch was real in his mind. So I thought of a different tactic. The brain is a powerful tool, especially when it is shocked by something horrific like that. It can come up with all sorts of horrible things. So I decided we needed to change the story that his mind was telling him at night as he lays there getting scared. 

Me- Warner, did you listen to what Dad said? 

Warner- Yes

Me- Do you believe him? That Bloody Mary is not real?
Warner- Shook his head.

Me- You still think she's real?

Warner- Nods

Me- What is the very worst fear you have in your head right now about bloody Mary?

Warner- That she is in my room hiding in the dark.

Me- Ok, now when that thought comes to your mind I want you incite someone else into your head. I want you to invite Jesus. I want you to imagine that Jesus is there with you in your room. Can you do that for me?  

Warner- Sure. 

Me- Ok. Thanks. Where do you think Jesus would stand in your room if the witch was there?

W- Right by me.

Me- That's right. Why would he stand by you?

Warner- Because he likes me.

Me- Because he loves you. What do you think he would do as he is standing there between you and the witch?

Warner- He would tell her to be good now, and to stop hurting people.

Me- I think that is exactly right Warner. Do you think he would ever let that witch hurt you if he was standing in your room too? 

Warner- No definitely not. 

Me- We know that Jesus loves His little children, and you are his little child, and he wants you to always be safe and happy. So, the next time this witch comes into your head, I want you to make sure you invite Jesus too. You can do this by reciting some articles of faith, or singing songs, or saying a prayer. You can do this by imaging pictures of him or stories of him, and he will be there. He will be there in your mind and he can help you to feel safe in your head.  I want you to imagine he has his arms around you and he is not going to let that witch hurt you ever. I want you to imagine that hearing him say to the witch "Get lost and never come in Warner's head again!" Can you try that? Can you try really hard to imagine that? 

Warner- Ok. 

Me- What is the cool thing we know about Jesus that is not true about the witch? 

Warner- That Jesus is real. 

Me- That's exactly right. How about the witch?

Warner- Whispers softly. "She's not real".

Me- No she's not. Not even a little. She never was, she never will be. 

I felt really good about this conversation and figured Warner was comforted. I was ready to pat myself and Jaron on the back and call it a night. Jaron earlier as Warner had been telling us the story was listening so well, and whenever Warner would get done speaking he would validate him and then say "Is there anything else Warner".  Warner kept giving us more descriptions this way. I loved Jaron's tactic and was so glad we were both there. 

Well, after we got done helping him through his thoughts, Warner, still hiding behind his blanket a little, and even gnawing on it a little bit, which I've never seen him do said to us "There's something else".

Warner- And it's the scariest part of all, but I can't tell you. I don't want to tell you, because your going to be mad at me. 

We were both so so grateful he opened this conversation up. It would have been so easy for him to just walk away, but there was something else. Something worse. Something bothering him, but he didn't think he could tell us. Of course we did what any parent would do, we promised him we wouldn't be mad and encouraged him to tell us, reminding him that parents are here to love you and help you and you should never keep secrets from them yada yada yada. 

It took several minutes before he finally nervously confessed. 

Warner- Mom, when you were doing violin with Liv in the music room the other day, I was thinking about Bloody Mary, and I just wanted to know if she was real, so I looked her up on the computer. 

Jaron and I immediately glanced at each other, and I'm sure both of us gasped silently. Very silently, because we wanted to be so careful to not scare Warner away from telling us. But we both know the dangers of the inter-webs, and up until now the Brown kids have been unscathed and innocent from it's dangerous. We have filters and safe searches and all sorts of things to protect our computer, but we know it's into enough. We know it's only a matter of time. That was all said in one simple glance between Jaron and I. Like "this is it, it's starting".  

Warner went on.

Warner- I typed in B L O D "cause I didn't realize it had two o's" Y M A R Y

And then her real name popped up at the top of the page, bloody mary with two o's and I pushed the link. 

Me- And what did you see Warner?

Warner- Well at first at the top of the page there were a bunch of pictures of this-uh-just like-this delicious-looking juice.

Me and Jaron- LOL Ah. Bloody Mary. Yes ok, it's a drink. What else did you see Warner?

He covered his head a little tighter with his blanket now, and covered his face with his hands and said

"I don't want to tell you. It is too scary", and then he started to cry. 

Jaron- Did you see a scary picture? 

Warner- Yes! And I can't get it out of my head. It was so scary. It was bloody mary just like my friend described her, but even worse, and now I know she is real. (Bawling now).

Jaron went over to the computer at this point to see what our son had seen, and it was indeed just as horrific as anything you can imagine, and not just for an innocent 7 year old boy whose scariest movie he's ever seen is Despicable Me 2.  It was horrifying to Jaron, who honestly has a pretty high tolerance for scary or violent things. He had goosebumps on his arms. I didn't want to see the picture, because I have a hard time with images and getting them out of my head too, so I took his word for it that it was pretty horrific.  

Poor poor child. He had been holding this scary story in all day, and now this horrific image. Well, images in.  Hollywood is so darn good at creating horrific, satanic, and nightmarish things that even our brains can't come up with look so so real.

Jaron walked over to Warner and scooped him up on his lap and said 

"I'm so sorry you saw that Warner. That is such a scary picture!" 

Me- Warner, thank you so so much for being brave and telling us! I'm so grateful you told us and I want you to know that you didn't mean to do anything wrong and you are not in trouble. We are not mad at all. We are only sad that you had to see that, and sad you have been scared all day holding this in.  You learned a hard lesson today, that the internet has some really scary things on it and we have to get Mom and Dad's help if we ever want to use it.  I'm so glad though again that you told us. I love you so much! I just want you always to be safe and to feel safe. 

Jaron reaffirmed everything I said and gave Warner a big hug too, and we also talked quite a bit about make up and photo editing and how people in the movie industry are really good at creating really scary looking things with those tools.  We reassured Warner that this picture was in every sense of the word fake and that he did not have to worry about Bloody Mary being real ever again. We told him if Dillan brings up any stories like that again just to say that they weren't true and to do something else instead. You never have to take part in something that makes you feel scared or in danger or yucky. Instead go do something that makes you feel good like wall ball or basketball with other friends.   

I then told Warner about Jr Safe Search on google, and before I finished telling him all about it I tried searching bloody mary on the google jr safe search to make sure it blocked the horrific pictures, and low and behold it did not, and up popped the most horrific images I've ever seen in my life. 

There really isn't any totally safe place on internet searches, and some subjects just are best left un-searched. 

I have vivid memories of going through similar things as Warner did this night, but never had I been exposed to such an image as this. The things I was scared of were things like the scary skating monkey guys on the Return to Oz, or the dragon on Sleeping Beauty. It pains me to think how much scarier things are out there and to pains me to think of the things my children are going to have to battle! Ug, but in the end, this was such a sweet and precious experience with Warner and it ended like this.  

Jaron- Warner would it be ok if we said a prayer together?

Warner- Nodded, and finally came out from under the blanket that had become a hood of safety to his sad face.  

He climbed out of Jaron's lap and we all knelt around the little stained and worn adiman that is in our family room.  Jaron prayed.  He thanked heavenly father that Warner told us what was on his mind. And he prayed that Warner would be comforted at night and that the image would get out of his head. He prayed that Warner would feel God's love, and feel safe.  

After he said Amen, he asked Warner if he wanted to say prayer as well. Warner said he did, and he said the sweetest little prayer. Short and sweet, but so sincere. When he got done he looked up at us and said "Mom, I just want to say that I'm grateful I told you". And then he got powdered. (Hoopes term for, feeling slightly bashful about his happiness and trying to hide it in the form of a half smile). 

After Warner divulged what he saw on his internet search, a sweet peace swept over him, and we could see his countenance was looking better. With this off his chest we were able to comfort him, but more importantly the holy ghost was comforting him. We could all feel it's presence there. It was so special to share that experience together that night.

This is life, right here. These moments are what make it. I'm happy I get to be a part of this university called family where we learn so much from each other and grow. In spite of of our many imperfections as parents, it's good to feel like maybe we are doing something right. 

I hope this experience for Warner lays the foundation for open communication with us, and I have a feeling this will not be the last time he has a confession which involves the dark corners of the internet, it's just the nature of the world we live in these days. I'm so glad he ended feeling comforted and good. That's all that matters. 

Take Me as I Am

I have had some thoughts running through my head lately that I have just wanted to jot down, and instead of my journal tonight I'm being courageous and writing them here to let my sisters and Mom see a little piece of my heart tonight. 

So, I had a bad day yesterday. I was overwhelmed and stressed. I had financial issues on my mind and that lead to being very snippy with my kids. The kids had the day off of school, which stressed me out even more. I felt pressure to do something fun with them, but also felt pressure to do some cleaning, cooking, and house work. I tried my best to talk nicely and convince the kids to do their chores. As is probably pretty normal, the kids did not respond well to doing chores on their day off. I ended having to get very grumpy with them to get some things done.  After about an hour and a half, I forced myself to stop and take them to a park to ride bikes and scoot around and play with them, even though really I just felt like staying home. I knew they needed to get out. It seemed to be a lot of work just to convince everyone to get ready to go with shoes and socks and helmets and jackets. I yelled just to get them out the door. Great start to a family outing. 

Once there, when we were about half way down the trail, Buster complained that he was tired. Warner's head was itchy and bothersome from his helmet, and Ruby kept insisting on taking her shoes off and throwing them down the trail.  You know on any other day it might have been ok, but this day, I was just annoyed. Here I was, making all this effort to take them to do something fun, and they are complaining?! I felt so frustrated. It seemed to take ages just to get back to the car with all the slow-poking, complaining, and whining.  

Deep down somewhere inside of me I was still feeling shame about my financial issues. I was kicking myself that I wasn't more frugal. I have a friend who uses a half a wipe on her kids bums when changing diapers, even at the expense of getting stuff on her hands just to save money. Why wasn't I more like her I thought?  

I was also feeling shame about the negative thoughts I was having about my kids. What Mom seriously feels this annoyed and unloving toward her kids? I felt shame about yelling at them that morning. And ironically all this shame was doing was making me more snippy in the moment with my kids. 

So when we got home and it was lunch time and the kids all seemed to be screaming for food at once, I locked myself in the pantry and downed about 6 little snack sized snickers bars from left over Halloween candy. Just you know making decisions that would add to my quota of shame for the day. 

I counted down the moments for Jaron to get home from work.

That blessed moment when another mature, sane, adult can come home with a clear mind, and a willing heart ready to alleviate, help, and support.  Well, that blessed time, that moment when it's finally the end of the marathon, eagerly anticipated by all parties, came. . . and then it went, and an hour later he walked in the door and I was ready to scream. I like to call that hour from 5:30-6:30 when kids are starving, tired, and needy, and Dad is supposed to be home- hell hour. I held back any sort of accusations or meanness because I knew that would do no good, but when he asked how my day was I quietly told him I didn't like children anymore. And then I proceeded to feel some more shame. Shame that I wasn't a happy lovely wife for him to come home to. Shame that I couldn't just be selfless and give him a break and some R&R coming home from work. 

Oi yoi yoi. Where is this going? Well, I'm not trying to tell you a saab story to gain compassion from you or empathy, but I came to a very important realization about myself yesterday. What I realized was that my shame was paralyzing me. Satan tells us that we are not enough. Christ tells us that we are children of God. Satan tells us we are worthless and will never change. Christ tells us that we are priceless, have infinite worth, and are precious to Him, and that with His help, our weaknesses can become our strengths.

So even though on the outside, and in my head, I was thinking I didn't really like my kids anymore and even thinking how they would be better off at a day care with some loving and creative worker than with a grumpy and stressed out Mom, really, what was happening is that I wasn't loving myself. I wasn't giving myself any grace. I was so focused on my failures that I kept failing. When I yelled at the kids in the morning, I literally was shocked at the noise that came out. It sounded so ugly! Did it seriously just come from me? Heaven, please don't ever re-play that tape. I never want to see myself acting that way again! 

This story does have a happy ending, and it's called the kids went to bed. The end. No. Just kidding, but seriously here's what happened: Blessed Jaron was able to bring relief, and let me cry on his shoulder for awhile. He was able to listen and validate and help me sort through all the shame I was feeling. I also had reached out to a friend who responded with many very sweet texts about her appreciation for me and about her testimony of the power of the atonement to lift burdens and make us better. 

The best moment came later that night when I got on my knees to pray. I felt so grateful to be able to repent. I felt so grateful that I would be given another chance. That the sun was going down on my mistakes, on my failures, and that tomorrow would start with a clean slate. Then I prayed that Heavenly Father would help me not feel so much shame. That He would help take that away, and instead help me cope with my stresses. I also prayed that He would help me figure out how to make my weaknesses be my strengths. My prayer felt so connecting, so real, and so relieving. I felt heard. I felt lifted. I felt grace and forgiveness. 

So, this morning when I went for a run, by my blessed self, free of any stroller to push,(hallelujah for Saturdays!) I randomly picked a conference talk that just so happened to be a heaven sent message straight to me. 

This is the reason that I'm even sharing this with you today. I can't imagine that any of my words would help you, because in my eyes, you all seem to have it figured out. I might be just a slightly more broken individual who needs a LOT of work, but one of my goals for myself is to open up more to the people I love. To be real. To reach out, and to be seen for who I am, with all my flaws and everything. 

So with that, I'll share with you this beautiful quote from President Uchdorft that filled my soul with hope and love this morning! 

"I learned in my life that we don’t need to be “more” of anything to start to become the person God intended us to become.

God will take you as you are at this very moment and begin to work with you".

How incredibly hopeful! How incredibly blessed we are! How wonderful is this truth? He will take us as we are? Wipe away my tears as I say that, and as I read that. He will take me as I am! I don't need to be more of anything. He loves me just the way I am. That statement is the industrial fan of love and acceptance that came into my heart and blew out all the shame. He will take me as I am.  

I'm feeling blessed tonight. 

Bless you all. Happy Saturday. 

Thanks for reading. 

Creating brings Joy

I read a really great talk by Richard G. Scott this week titled "Finding Joy in Life". One of my favorite quotes from the talk was this: 

"Attempt to be creative for the joy it brings. After their noble husbands were called home, Sisters Camilla Kimball, Amelia McConkie, and Helen Richards learned to paint. They not only leave legacies of art, but they will never see a sunset, a face, or a tree the same again. They now perceive subtle nuances of color and form and rejoice in the abounding beauty around them.

Select something like music, dance, sculpture, or poetry. Being creative will help you enjoy life. It engenders a spirit of gratitude. It develops latent talent, sharpens your capacity to reason, to act, and to find purpose in life. It dispels loneliness and heartache. It gives a renewal, a spark of enthusiasm, and zest for life."

A wise older friend of mine, who has raised 7 children, told me that to get through the rough years of when her kids were little and life was constantly a process of undoing all the living that had been done that day, she said "I tried to do something every day that was permanent, like sew, or journal, or make something". 

I thought that was such great advice. And after reading this talk last night, I decided to pull out the BIG Digital SLR, which feels so huge compared to my i-phone now, and do a photo shoot of Ruby. My goal was to capture her sweet, soft expressions, her smooth baby skin, and the light in her eyes. I was a little rusty, but it didn't matter. I created something. Immediately after the photo shoot, I felt that rush of excitement you get, when you just can't wait to look at the photos. It's like Christmas. I knew I had kids to pick up from school, and dinner to make, and kids to get off to music lessons, and bathe, and clean up, but I also knew that once that was done I got to edit photos and swoon over sweet Ruby pictures. It got me through the chaos. 

I love photography for lots of reasons, but my favorite reason is that it makes the moments you love most stand still forever. Ruby is so wiggly these days that she hardly has a moment where she is still, but after she's asleep I can sit and look at these pictures and soak up her sweet face without any interruptions. Also, it doesn't squawk at me, like Ruby sometimes does. 

I love motherhood, accept for when I don't. Sometimes it's really hard. Sometimes it's overwhelming. Sometimes it's love and joy and sweet satisfactions,but for the times that are rough, it feels so great to have a creative outlet that you can look forward to at the end of the day. 

What are your thoughts? What are your creative outlets? 

Thank Goodness for Prayer

I was visiting with a friend the other day and she opened up to me that she had some really hard things that she was struggling with in her life.  A few weeks prior to visiting with her, on the day that she had found out some devastating news, she was feeling so overwhelmed and upset that she was having a really hard time focusing at all on her kids that day. She has four kids and they keep her very busy. You all know how that goes! Finally about half way through her morning, she snapped and let out a big growl and shouted in anger "I'm so frustrated!!". Just then her little four year old came bobbing up to her and sang her a little song that he had learned from a Daniel the Tiger episode "When you're feeling frustrated, take a step back. . . and ask for help".  My friend said that her face which had just been contorted in frustration and anger, quickly melted into soft humility, as tears quickly escaped her desperate face. She tried to best to hold it together until she closed the bathroom door where she fell to her knees, and let the sobs leave her aching heart as she reached upward to her Heavenly Father in prayer.

This story stuck with me this month as I was preparing my relief society lesson this month on the topic of prayer.  It has stuck with me as I have had days that were hard. It's something I knew already, and have a strong testimony of, but yet can't be reminded of enough.  Prayer is real. It is real communication between Heavenly Father and His children. It is something we all love, we all need, but I don't know about you, but I also sometimes forget to do.  Sometimes my prayers are earnest and focused, and other times, I'm just going through the motions so I can hit the pillow and call it good for the night, but over the past month, as I have studied this lesson, I have made the decision yet again, to re-dedicate myself to personal and family prayer. To try a little harder to be more focused. To spend more time. To get up a little earlier, or stay up a little later, so that I can make those moment's with God happen every day.

As I studied for this lesson, it was so enlightening to investigate my own testimony of prayer.  The more I thought of how I had been blessed by this simple gift offered to all mankind, from God, to be able to reach to heaven for guidance, support, and direction, the more gratitude I felt for the many MANY prayers of mine that have been heard and answered.  Not only that, but just how grateful I am that somehow, I know, that even though Heavenly Father has billions upon billions of children who pray to him, that somehow He knows me. He knows what I'm going through. He knows my needs and my desires. Somehow I have felt that in my life as I have prayed, that He is aware of us individually and personally.

Scriptures and prayer are the primary answer to almost every problem we encounter. They are the basic habits that we know we need to establish to gain a relationship with our Heavenly Father and His son. It's really easy to do them, and unfortunately for me, really easy not to do them. Since getting my I-Phone I'm always faced with two choices every morning Instagram or the Gospel Library, hmmmm. . . Instagram or Gospel Library.  Why is it such a hard choice! Dang it! These last few weeks as I have reflected on how I pray to Heavenly Father, of how focused I am, of how grateful I am, of how much I share with him, of how often I pray, of how reverently I pray, I can say that it has changed me. It has made the choices I need to make every day easier.  It has given me an added measure of patience with my kids, with my trials, and with myself.  It's a change that I'm sure will come and go in my life depending on life circumstances, but for right now, I've been so grateful to turn inward and investigate how effective my prayers really are or perhaps aren't.  

One of my good friends is attending a support group right now for parents of children who are struggling with addiction.  She has a 20 year old who is an alcoholic.  One of the things my friend learned at her support group was tools to help your children feel as though they are loved and listened to. The counselor told her that when talking to your child you should use specific validating phrases as the conversation is happening.  Instead of jumping to judgement or advice, you simply say a phrase such as "Tell me more". They taught her four specific phrases that she could use and gave her the homework assignment to in the next rough conversation that she had with her child to say "Tell me more" or one of the other phrases at least four times. Little insert here that this is only applied when the child is in control of his temper and attitude and being reasonable.   Needless to say I loved that simple phrase that she gave me and it has been working wonders in my little family. The kids get home from school, and as I have replaced phrases like "Uh hu, I'de love to hear that after I just. . . or This isn't the time to talk, can you please go do . . . " with "Tell me more", the outcome has been wonderful.  I have found that by about the 2nd or 3rd "tell me more", the child or spouse almost always has a big smile on their face, and a few times, some truely special moments have happened where very meaningful and thoughtful conversation ensued.

What does this little paragraph have to do with anything you might be thinking? Though this tool of validation is such a great thing to add to our toolbox of how to deal with life, it's also something I thought totally applies to prayer. I can't help but imagine Heavenly Father being that parent, looking down at his kneeling child saying "Tell me more, Tell me more, Tell me more". And just as with my children, when I say to  myself "Tell Him more", I go a little deeper, open up a little more, and am a little more intentful with my prayers. This results in more closeness to my Father in Heaven, and more closeness to the people around me.

This is getting long, but I just wanted to leave you with my favorite quote from the lesson today:  

"Man does not stand alone, or at least, he need not stand alone. Prayer will open doors; prayer will remove barriers; prayer will ease pressures; prayer will give inner peace and comfort during times of strain and stress and difficulty. Thank God for prayer". From Teachings of Presidents of the Church, Ezra Taft Benson, Pg. 54.

I'm so grateful that for the simple gift of prayer.

Love you all.

Easy Ways you can Save

Photo credit alphamom.com

Living within my means, this is my goal for the new year. I haven't even thought of a spiritual or fitness goal, because this one has been all consuming for me. I feel like no matter how much we make, or no matter how well off we are, living frugally and within our means is an eternal principle, that I have always struggled with. I've struggled with consistently accounting for every dollar spent. I've struggled with not spending money we don't have. I've felt very prompted to get on top of our budget, and so far for the month of January I have been 100% perfect at accounting every single penny we have spent. It's discouraging at first to realize how tight things really are, and that I have not been living as tightly as our finances allow for, but it is completely awesome to know exactly where my money is going and has gone.

I have a testimony of it. Life feels so much more simple when your not spending money you don't have.

So, I felt like I should share some tips on enlightened Mama's, and I really want to hear your budgeting secrets too. How do you save money? How do you budget? I really want to be enlightened by you Mamas.

The very first thing I did on January 1st was set up a budget.  I found THIS great tutorial online for setting up a simple, and very easy budget. It took Jaron and I about an hour to get it all set up, but it was worth it.

Once I realized that our costs are more than our income, I realized something has got to change. So the last three weeks I have spent time calling and negotiating bills. Because of a phone call to our cel phone provider, our internet provider, and our car and home insurance provider I was able to save us $50.80 a month. That's $609 per year! That's like Christmas right!?  I was so excited that I had to share.  Here is a great link I found on how to negotiate your car insurance rate. Do it! Seriously! It could save you money. I know I sound like a used car salesman, but honestly, the fact that I'm using my precious nap time to write this, only can me that I love you ladies, and want to pass on good info that I've found on living on a dime.

Even though things are so tight, it feels good to be getting on top of our finances, and really as odd as it sounds, even though I have literally $2.50 left in my bank account that has to last me two more days until pay day, I feel so grateful for all that I have!

Now it's your turn to share. Lets start a thread going here. Let's learn from each other.

How do you save money? Do you have college accounts already set up for your kids? I want to know what you like best? How do you earn money? What are great investments you've made? Let's share our knowledge.

For further references to help with financial spending check out Dave Ramsey's book on Smart Money Smart Kids.  It has great ideas in there for adults and kids.

Love you ladies.

Merry Christmas Sisters

My heart is full this holiday season. I have been doing a Christmas countdown of sorts with my kids that my Mom sent me. It has been so great to turn the focus everyday back to Christ and to remind us of the true meaning of Christmas. It's so easy to get lost in the celebrating. It's ironic that even trying our best to celebrate and create Christmas traditions can bring us stress. Especially as mother's. This year I have tried my best, to let the unimportant things go, and cling to the important. This scripture read, with an added act of service (which I added to my Mom's list, and which is our gift to Christ everyday) has really brought the meaning home for us. 

My heart is very full this Christmas Season. I'm feeling very blessed for my situation in life. Blessed to have family that loves me and cares about me. Blessed to have four beautiful children who are thriving and growing and rambunctious, even though sometimes they drive me crazy.  Grateful for a husband who loves me and the kids and works so hard for us so that I can stay home and raise my minions.  Grateful for good friends who inspire me and make me a better person. Grateful for my health and my mind. My testimony, and my spirit. I'm grateful for good books, and cozy fires. I'm grateful for a warm, beautiful house, ,that is filled with memories, both good and bad. Grateful for the bad, because they make me stronger. Grateful for the good, because it gives me hope. 

But mostly I'm grateful for that sacred day so long ago, in Bethlehem, When the Savior of the world, was born in a humble stable. How much love must have been there on that night, with his beautiful, and faithful Mother Mary, and patient, and obedient Joseph.  I love thinking of the birth. I love imagining what I would bring the savior if I were a wise man. This year my gift to him, is an added measure of patience with my children. It's a goal to show my husband more love on a daily basis by doing random acts of service, it is to reach out to a widow, who I have not spoken to in over five years. It is to spend time in sincere prayer every day. It is to fulfill my callings in the church, and do my best to be spiritually guided by them. Really these gifts are not for him, but I know that by doing them, they make Him happy. He really is the gift, and I am forever blessed by His gift. 

I learn more about the atonement every time I stumble. Just when I think I have something figured out, I am humbled yet again to realize I am so far from perfect. I'm so grateful for repentance. For forgiveness. I know that I can be as close to my Savior as I will let myself. I know he is constantly inviting. Inviting all to come unto him. Inviting us to repent. To pray. To ask. To recieve his blessings. It's up to me to come unto him.  And this Christmas Season I will do my best to do just that. 

Happy Holidays Friends. You are loved